Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Parva Bhetla Bappa...!!!!

परवा भेटला बाप्पा, जरा वैतागलेला वाटला....
"दोन क्षण दम खातो", म्हणून माझ्या घरी टेकला !
"उंदीर कुठे पार्क करू? लॉट नाही सापडला" ...

मी म्हटले "सोडून दे, आराम करू दे त्याला !!

....तू पण ना देवा, कुठल्या जगात राहतोस?
मर्सिडीजच्या जमान्यात सुद्धा उंदरावरून फिरतोस???....
मर्सिडीज नाही, निदान nano तरी घेऊन टाक
तमाम देव मंडळींमध्ये थोडा भाव खाऊन टाक !!!"

"इतक्या मागण्या पुरवताना जीव माझा जातो
भक्तांना खुश करेपर्यंत खूप खूप दमतो....
....
काय करू आता माझ्याने manage होत नाही
पूर्वीसारखी थोडक्यात माणसे खुशही होत नाहीत....
immigration
च्या requests ने system झालीये hang,
तरीदेखील संपत नाही भक्तांची रांग !!
चार-आठ आणे देऊन काय काय मागतात
माझ्याकडच्या files नुसत्या वाढतच राहतात!!"

"माझं ऐक बाप्पा, तू कर थोडं थोडं delegation
management
च्या theory मध्ये मिळेल तुला solution !
M.B.A.
चे फंडे कधी शिकला नाहीस का रे?
Delegation of Authority
कधी ऐकलंच नाहीस का रे??
असं कर बाप्पा, एक Call Center टाक
तुझ्या साऱ्या दूतांना एक-एक region देऊन टाक !
बसल्याजागी कामं होतील, तुझी धावपळ नको
परत जाऊन कुणाला, दमलो म्हणायला नको!!"

माझ्या साऱ्या युक्त्यांनी बाप्पा खुश झाला
"
एक वर देतो बक्षीस, माग हवं ते म्हणाला !!
CEO
ची position, Townhouse ची ownership
immigration
देखील होईल झटपट, मग duel citizenship"

मी हसलो उगाच, "म्हटलं खरंच देशील का सांग?"

"अरे मागून तर बघ, थोडी देणार आहे टांग?"

"पारिजातकाच्या सड्यामध्ये हरवलेलं अंगण हवं...
सोडून जाता येणार नाही, असं एक तरी बंधन हवं...
हवा आहे परत माणसातला हरवलेला भाव...
प्रत्येकाच्या मनात थोडा मायेचा शिडकाव...!!
देशील आणून मला माझी हरवलेली नाती ?
नेशील मला परत जिथे आहे माझी माती ??
इंग्रजाळलेल्या पोरांना थोडं संस्कृतीचं लेणं...
आई-बापाचं कधीही फिटणारं देणं ??
कर्कश्श वाटला तरी हवा ढोल-ताशांचा गर्जर...
भांडणारा असला तरी चालेल, पण हवा आहे शेजार !
यंत्रवत होत चाललेल्या माणसाला थोडं आयुष्याचं भान...
देशील का रे देवा, यातलं एक तरी दान?"

"तथास्तु" म्हणाला नाही, बाप्पा नुसता सोंडेमागून हसला..
"
सारं हाताबाहेर गेलंय पोरा, सुखी रहा" म्हणाला..... !!!!


Monday, December 3, 2012

A letter to Rahul Dravid...!!!!!!




Dear Rahul,

I have learnt from watching you over the years; observing you, making every effort to ape you or even attempting to create fake stickers for my bat so that it looks like yours. I didn’t do a very good job of that. I couldn’t match up at all, neither on field nor off it. That look of devotion on your face when walking into bat in the first over ever so often, the unbelievable composure under pressure, the perfect control over your emotions. No one will ever come close to being that.
The closest I came to being anything like you was playing the square cut whilst biting my lips and puffing my cheeks, just like the way you always did.
Nothing else. Many  times you made me wonder whether you even know how great you are.
You batted at number 7 on your debut, when your fellow debutant walked in at 3. That you ended your career as one of the game’s best  number 3 batsmen makes me blush with pride. You always had the answer to all the tough questioners: to some with a big stride down the track and to others with never-ending strength while standing tall on your toes and fending off their spitfires. When the team needed a squiggly-wiggly amoebic character that they could kick around and take for granted, you were there for them; when the team needed a rock-solid impersonation of grit and determination, you were still there. That is what sets you apart: you played cricket for what it was, a team game. You did for the country what no other would have.

When you had sacrificed many a finger as wicket-keeper for Karnataka at the junior levels and sworn never to don the gloves again, you had only sworn to yourself. For when the country needed you fifteen years later, you picked up the gloves without making faces, squatted behind the stumps and still pegged everyone on- whilst producing flashes of brilliance in there too.
Your contributions to the test team, whether while saving a game or doggedly taking traffic head-on so that the men at the other end could bask in the glory of their limited skill was never recognized. Your decision to bat at number 5/6/7 in one-day matches so that the likes of Yuvraj, Dhoni and even Dinesh karthik who didn’t even have half the ability that you have could go ahead of you, showed how different you were from the other two Indian batting legends of your era. Ego led them on, cricket led you on.
When half the country was calling for your head just because you used to reached fifty ten balls later than the guys who used to bat when only TWO fielders were outside the ring, was outrageous. It was even more outrageous when they said the same thing about your batting in the five-day version. They said you didn’t belong. The nation was outrageous, the experts were outrageous, ex-cricketers were outrageous. But the fact that you retire in 2012, the oldest active player in the world is just the cherry on top of the humble pie you made everyone eat without actually intending to feed them.
When you were captain, you took the team to many a historic victory. You soldiered on in difficult conditions and you continued being the symbol you were. You led the team to victory in places where we hadn’t secured anything for quite a few decades. Of course, like the rest of your achievements, no one remembers any of that. They only remember you as the guy who declared when “god” was in no hurry to get his double hundred. They only remember- read, hate- you as the guy who replaced the previous captain. They only remember you as the guy who led the Indian cricket team out of the World Cup when, in  all reality, it wasn’t a team at all.
Luckily there are people who still do remember everything you have done for us, however few we are.
I will never forget watching you score two centuries against New Zealand in the same test. I tried so hard to remain 190 not out against the guys from the opposite street after watching that match, but no one ever had the interest to bowl to me for more than half an hour. I think that should describe your style of batting completely- graceful, patient and annihilating.


I will miss watching your steely, determined eyes in the slip cordon; and the awkwardness in front of the camera. No one else will celebrate Laxman’s centuries the way you did and I don’t think Indian cricket will ever see a 10 hour long knock any time soon.
You are the perfect man, the perfect cricketer and the perfect role model. You’re also the guy who asked a 20-year old girl to concentrate on her studies instead of falling for you when you were one of the biggest stars of the game! The greatness you have attained is no mean feat; but the best thing about your greatness is, you never knew it existed. That’s who you are.
You were everything I tried to be, you are everything everyone should try to be: but you are Rahul Dravid and there can be none other.
I never thought a man would make me cry.

Yours gratefully,
A Rahul Dravid Fan.




Sunday, December 2, 2012

Ab bhool gaye hain jutte kahan utare the...

Chhoti-chhoti chhitrayi yaadein,
bichhi hui hain lamhon ki lawn par,
nange paer unpar chalte-chalte,
itni door chale aaye..
..ki ab bhool gaye hain,
joote kahan utaare the..

Aedi komal thi, jab aaye the,
thodi si naazuk hai abhi bhi,
aur nazuk hi rahegi,
in khatti-meethi yaadon ki shararat..
..jab tak inhe gudgudati rahe..

Sach, bhool gaye hain,
ki joote kahan utaare the,
par lagta hai,
ab unki zaroorat nahi...

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Kanha gaya usse dhoondo.......!!!!!

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.
(they call CID(how the hell everyone have CID's Number..??) and all the members of CID come in their vintage Quallis)

ACP:
Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga ! (Shaking his finger)
(After searching  the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)

Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student NE aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. Lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni  yeh rancho hi hoga !!!
 
ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!

ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...Dr. Salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!

(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum Dr. Salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega


(after playing with some colour changing liquids)

Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!


ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! Yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi ne batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...AB kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!

 
(virus is brought to the bureau)

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...Maine kuch nahi kiya

Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???


Virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??


(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!..virus started crying...uhhuuu..uhuuuu)

 

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad AA gaya...Bata ta hu...sab Bata ta hu !


Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir.. daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya

 
ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!



Virus: uss raat ssab logo ne party ki thi....ssab log apni underwear me campuss me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere ssaath koi baat hi nahi kar raha tha...issliye main bahot gussse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur ussne mujhe usska helicopter dikhaya...Maine usska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. Aur next din humne dekha toh usska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge... tum hamare saath co-operate karo
(virus leaves)
 

ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi NE CID ko bulaya hi nahin??


Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!
 

ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me AA gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!


(they reached the campus in their old faithful Qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still remains same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEE ECH !!)

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks. ..tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

(after checking the campus)

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla Lena chahta tha !!
 

ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! AB yeh Chatur kaun hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun AA rahi hai !!...Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab Le jao !

Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur NE hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!

ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

(chatur in interrogation)


ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!

Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi


Chatur : (over-acting) ...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai


(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)


Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya(iski toh BALATKAAR ho gayi)

ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plain...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!